Ze
This just feels way too familiar, man.
[Moe bursts into Ze's tent.]
Ze
Oh-! W- Woah! I- What are you talk--
Moe
[Frantic honks]
Ze
Moe! Chill, chill! What's wrong?! What happened, what happened?
Ze
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Moe
[Explanatory honks]
Ze
Okay. Was it a dream? Or something? Wh- Wh- Maybe you just had a bad dream?
Moe
[Denying honks]
Ze
Okay, well, I- I guess you can stay here, then. If- If you're scared. Just, sit- There's a corner- Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead, sit there.
I don't know what you're talking about, but if you saw something, then--
Regect
[Bursting in] ZE! There's something messed up out there!
Ze
[Annoyed mutter] Of course you're here too.
Regect
I'm not going back out! I'm not going back out! I'm not staying alone, I'm staying in here tonight. Nope.
Ze
What, you both saw something?! Really?
Regect
[Quietly] Oh hey, Moe.
Ze
Look guys, I don't want to be insensitive, I'm not invalidating you, but I'm telling you right now, I don't think there's anything out there, okay? I know we've had scary stuff happen, but, you know, I think you're fine right now. I think we're safe here.
Regect
No, Ze, there is- there is something out there, dude. I'm telling you!
Ze
Okay, you know what? Fine. I'll go check myself.
[Ze peeks outside. A scary face screams at him.]
Ze
Do not go out there.
Regect
You saw something, didn't you?
Ze
[Nervous] You know what, I- I gotta admit I'm wrong sometimes and this time I was wrong. There is something out there. Do not go out there.
Ze
I don't know- I don’t know what--
Regect
Fine by me. I'm not leaving.
Ze
Okay, I've blocked off the door, so I guess we'll just wait here until daytime and then we'll, uh- we'll- we'll head back home.
[Awkward silence. Regect coughs.]
Ze
So... Anything you guys want to talk about?
Regect
Um... I got invited to a game recently.
Ze
Oh, did you? Oh, cool! Wh- Wh- What game?
Regect
Something about blocks- something? I- I forget, but I- I'm like, gonna be in it.
Ze
Oh okay, cool, cool.
Regect
Moe got invited too, I think. I'm pretty sure.
Ze
Oh, Moe got one too? Okay, cool, cool.
Regect
Wait, did you get one, Ze?
Ze
[Playing it off] Nah, I didn't get one. But I- But I'm not- Ehh. It's not a big deal. It's probably not my thing anyways.
Regect
Oh, okay, okay, yeah.
[Awkward silence. Regect sniffles.]
Regect
So... What, uh- What's your story, Ze?
Ze
My story? Like, about- about me? Um.
Regect
Yeah, what's the Ze- what's the Ze stuff? I want to hear it.
Ze
[Stilted] I went to boot camp. This place reminds me a lot of it.
Regect
Oh. Cool, cool. Did you have fun there?
Ze
Not really, but, uh... My dad made me do it. So I- I really didn't have a choice.
[More awkward silence.]
Regect
You know, I just remembered I brought a game console.
Ze
[Loud relief] Oh, thank god! I- I honestly didn't have anything to talk about.
Regect
I didn't either!
Ze
Let's set that up, dude. Yeah, please, like I had n--
Regect
Like, honestly, for real, I had nothing--
[Regect’s voice glitches out in the background.]
Ze
Alright, cool! How'd you set it up with... Regect? Regect! REGECT!
[Ze punches Regect and he snaps out of it.]
Regect
OW! Sorry.
Ze
You were messing around, what the hell?
Regect
I- I- I don't know, I don't know.
But yeah, uh- Wakafante found a way to transfer energy into stuff and store it so it can be turned on later. So yeah, we can play!
Ze
Aw, heck yeah, dude! Alright, you can be Player 1, I'll be, uh- I'll be Player 2.
Regect
Oh, okay yeah, I'll be Player 1.
[Ze and Regect are now on the character select screen of Dragon Ball FighterZ.]
Regect
Oh, this game. I've- I've heard of this game.
Ze
Yeah dude, this is- this is one of my favorite fighting games of all time. It's probably, like, one of the most popular too.
Regect
Isn't it only famous because the IP is Dragon Ball?
Ze
No? It was made by Arc Systems. Arc Systems fucking made Guilty Gear. What are you talking about? That's such a stupid argument.
[Regect groans loudly.]
Ze
Was that a donkey?
Regect
I think so. Okay, I'm going to pick...Uh, I'm going to pick her. I like her- I like her outfit.
Ze
That's Android 21, she's cool.
Regect
She's got that checkered pattern. Like, the red and blue? I mess with that.
Ze
Okay, okay. I see it, I see it.
Regect
And then, um... I know Goku. So Imma pick Goku. Cause he's the strongest one.
Ze
Well, technically you picked the weakest version of him in the game, but yes--
Regect
Hmm... I don't know who else to pick.
Ze
We're gonna be here forever cause you're indecisive! And this is gonna piss me off.
Regect
Uh... Who's this pink guy over here? Goku Black?! Okay. So it's like the evil version of Goku?
Ze
Yeah, yeah.
Regect
And what are these?
Ze
Those are assists. They're not really that important, I don't really- I don't care about them.
Regect
I'm gonna make mine "ABA" because I like Mamma Mia.
Ze
Of course you do.
Regect
[Singing] Mamma mia!
Ze
[Heavy sigh] Oh my god...
Regect
[Singing] Here I go again!
Ze
[Annoyed] Yeah, here we go again. Exactly.
Regect
[Singing] Uh-huh! Yeah.
Ze
Okay, uh- I'm gonna go... I think I'm gonna go Gogeta. Cause he's good.
Regect
Uh-huh.
Ze
And then I'm gonna go... Cooler? Cause that's my goat.
Regect
He doesn't look like a goat.
Ze
And then... Gohan.
Regect
Okay. Moe, do you want to play?
Moe
[Honks]
Regect
You'll get the next round? Okay. You- You'll play the winner? Alright.
Ze
Alright, I'm not going easy. I'm not pulling back.
Ze
Nope! I don't care. I do not care. Y- You gotta learn! You gotta learn how to play, dude! And this is how you learn how to play, okay? This is how you learn.
Regect
I literally have never played this before. This is- You're just going to beat my ass. Okay, cool, yeah. Cool and fair. Yeah sure, whatever.
[The match has started.]
Regect
What are the buttons, even? I don't even know how to like--
Ze
Too bad. Oh, DAMMIT!
Regect
Here. Yeah! Oh, you're getting your ass kicked-! Oh, okay.
Ze
No, that was- Now I'm going to get you. Yeah! Yeah! FUCK!
Regect
Oh! Oh, I slapped you, dude. You suck.
Ze
No, that was not a combo! Here, watch, I'll show you.
Regect
FUCK!
Ze
Yeah! That's how you- And then I switch in- Ohhh yeah!
Regect
What?! Okay, there are other buttons here.
Ze
Oh my god. Oh my god! Okay, that's another- that's another auto-combo, dude! Yeah, and then you- Oh my god, now you're just pressing buttons.
Regect
Oh! Oh! OH! OHHH! OHHH!! Hold that! Hold that too! Hold that too! Hold that too!
Ze
Alright, take this.
Regect
Aw.
Ze
Oh- Haha!
Ze
Now who- Oh! OH! OHH! Yeah! Now who’s cool, dude?!
Regect
What does the blue mean? What does the blue mean? Dude?! What the hell?!
Ze
Take that! Nope! Nope! Nope! Another one. Another one.
Regect
Dude, piss off! Piss off! Oh my god! Oh my god, you’re such a pissant.
Ze
Oh. Oh, okay. That’s another auto-combo man, you’re not doing anything!
Regect
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Regect
Says the guy who’s just pressing the same fucking move over and over again?!
Ze
That’s different! That’s completely different!
Ze
GAHHH!! Get out of here! Get out of here with that! Get out of here with that!
Regect
Oh my god, dude. Shut the hell up, dude! Like, shut up! Shut up!
Regect
I don’t know if he’s supposed to be the strongest--
Ze
UPPERCUT!! AHAHA!
Regect
Dude! I hate that move! That is such a stupid move.
Ze
Yeah, cry about it buddy. Hurt about it. Oh, shit--
Regect
Yeah, now I’m getting you! Now I’m getting you!
Ze
Gohan, get in here.
Regect
Oh, switched it. I- Oh, this guy. Ooo, I found my move, I found my move.
Ze
Oh, enough of that. Get over here.
Regect
What was that?! What did you just do-
Ze
Wait, hold up--
Regect
How do you do that? Oh, that’s how I do it.
Ze
UPPERCUT! [Delighted laugh]
Regect
What?! FUCK!
Regect
I don’t even know what I’m doing right now.
Ze
Try to find my opening.
Ze
Dammit! Ohh-kay.
Regect
Ohhh, I got you! Oh!
Ze
No, no, whatever, dude, that was lucky! Now look at me. Look at me. Look at me.
Ze
Yeah, now I’m getting you! Ough!
Regect
Why do all your characters uppercut?! It’s so stupid.
Ze
I kicked you in the head.
Regect
You kicked me in the head now?! Dude? Oh my-
Ze
And you’re dead! And you’re dead! [Celebratory burbling]
Regect
God damn!
Regect
I hate this fricking kid.
Ze
Shit! That was lucky. You didn’t even mean to do that.
Regect
Oh! Ohoho! Dude, you just got owned!
Ze
UPPERCUT! Haha!
Regect
Oh my god.
Ze
Hold on. UPPERCUT! [Celebratory burbling]
Regect
You- FUCK--! [Frustrated groan]
Ze
Alright, alright, chill out.
Ze
Alright, alright, whatever. Good game, good game, good game.
Regect
You got lucky. No whatever, I’m done. Moe, here.
Ze
Oh Moe, you wanna play? Okay yeah, sure.
Regect
Moe, I’m not playing. I’m not. Here, go ahead.
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
Give her the- Give her the remote. I’ll play her. I’ll play Moe.
[Moe and Ze are on the character select screen.]
Ze
Alright, Moe, so you just-- Um, what are you- Oh, okay. You already know how to select, cool. You're picking these really quick, what the fuck?
Moe
[Honks]
Regect
Oh, she has that on lock.
Ze
Okay, cool. I'll just, uh- uh, I guess I'll go Cell... I'll go Hit too, cause that- that's my other goat. And... Videl. Cause she's Mr. Satan's daughter. Mr. Satan always wins.
Regect
There's a character named Mr. Satan?
Ze
Yeah, Hercule Satan.
Regect
And they were okay with that?
Ze
Okay, that's a valid criticism.
Ze
Alright, let's get started, Moe. And-- Oh, now you skipped the cutscene? Alright.
Ze
Guess you really want to get into it then.
Regect
Oh, watch out, dude.
Ze
Oh, Jesus, Moe.
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
Get off me!
Regect
Yeah, watch out dude- oh!
Ze
Oh my god! What the fuck?! Where'd you learn that?!
Regect
Woahahaha! [Impressed laughter] Oh my god.
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
What the hell?! Oh my god.
Regect
Moe's got combos! Moe's got combos!
Ze
No, she- I-
Moe
[Honks]
Regect
Oh, you're getting your ass kicked, dude.
Ze
You did NOT learn this from me. What the- How do you know this?!
Regect
Woah! [Laughter]
Ze
Okay, get off me. Okay. Wh- Moe, how do you know how to do any of this?!
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
You did NOT learn this from watching!
Ze
[Sputtering laugh] Where did you learn this?! This is ridiculous.
Regect
Dude, you are getting fried right now. You are getting so- You are getting fried!
Regect
Ze, I beg of you, lock in.
Ze
I do not suck-
Regect
Look at this, dude!
Ze
-she is just--
Regect
This is a slaughter!
Ze
[Disbelief] You've played this before, haven't you?!
Regect
You're getting slaughtered!
Ze
How do you know- This is ridiculous.
Regect
Ze, this is kind of embarrassing, man-
Ze
I'm just trying to- Oh my god.
Regect
YOU'RE GETTING COOKED!
Ze
Oh, yeah, I can see that.
Ze
[Sarcastic] Thanks for pointing that out.
Regect
YOU'RE GETTING COOKED! BY MOE!
Ze
I'm Hit now, so it's- Oh my god. Seriously?
Regect
Dude, this is like, Miami Dolphins level shit on.
Ze
Look at that!
Regect
Holy shit. [Chuckling]
Ze
Look at- Where did you learn- Okay, you messed up. Yeah, take that!
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
Now it's my turn.
Regect
Wow, finally. Finally.
Ze
Axe kick. Flex. Command grab! Yeah, yeah! Now who's getting cooked?
Regect
That is like, your first hit on her-
Ze
Okay, shut up. Seriously.
Regect
-like, the entire time.
Moe
[Honk]
Ze
I- I've got my bearings- Ohhh-kay.
Regect
Oh, well there you go.
Ze
Great. Now she's gonna-
Regect
[Laugh] Goddamn!
Ze
Oh my god. Oh, you messed up! What the-?
Regect
Oh! Is your block button broken?
Ze
Overhead?! [Groan]
Regect
Damn, Moe! You go, girl! Damn!
Ze
Woah! [Bewildered] Where did you learn this?!
Regect
Let him breathe!
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
[Shocked laughter] You did not watch me do this!!
Ze
Okay, I- I'm locked in. Yeah! Take that!
Regect
Yeah. Videl Satan.
Ze
Mmm. Wh- Wh- What am I supposed to do?! And you're gonna do the fucking same thing again!!
Regect
Dude. You are being cooked- oh.
Ze
Yes! Mess up! Yes-- [Disappointment] Ohhh... One thing and I'm dead?!
Regect
Who the hell is that?!
Ze
Right into Nappa?! You bald-headed fuck. Oh my god.
Regect
You- You- Th- This might be it, bro.
Ze
No, I got that- Oh my god.
Regect
Well, plan something! He's being shady.
Ze
It's- It's out now. Now what do I do?!
Regect
What is that?! They're jumping you!
Ze
What is-- I- I- [Groan] GOD!!
Moe
[Honks]
Regect
You got jumped! You got jumped!
Ze
You wanna laugh?!
[Click of a gun loading.]
Ze
Here, here, let's laugh. Let's laugh! No, it's funny, right?
Regect
Wait, chill, chill, chill! ZE! CHILL! ZE, CHILL!
[Ze starts firing.]
Ze
It’s funny! It’s funny! We’re having fun, it’s funny! It’s funny right? Oh yeah, keep laughing! You’re not laughing now, are you?!
Regect
No- AH! AHH! Chill out, chill out, chill out! AH! Chill out! Chill out, dude! ZE!!
Moe
[Frantic honks]
[The normal outro is interrupted by a frame of static with the message “HE’S STILL HERE.”]