Ze
What the hell is going on in there?
Ze
A- Are you kidding me?! Get out! Get out! Why’d you come back?! Leave! Go away! Go, go, leave, get out! Get out! Get out!
Regect
GET OUT! Get out! Get out, we told you sixteen times to leave! In different languages too. You just walk-- Yeah, there you go. Get out of here, chicken.
Giant Chicken
[Loud gurgling]
Regect
Oh, hey, you look better.
Ze
[Low energy] Yeah, I- I’m sorry about that, guys. Yeah, Moe-- I’m fine, I- I’m okay.
Moe
[Honks]
Regect
Oh- Oh, yeah, don’t even get me started, Moe was freaking out. She was telling me you were like-- She said you were, quote-unquote, “basically catatonic”, so-
Ze
I don’t- remember that but- but, yeah, no-
Regect
-but obviously, you seem fine.
Moe
[Worried honks]
Ze
I’m fine now, Moe. Everything’s okay. ...For the most part.
Regect
Well, since you’re good now, I suggest we get more coal for the furnaces.
Ze
You want us to go mining or something?
Regect
[Wheeze] HAH! Mining! Nah, nah, nah, I have a better idea.
Moe
[Hyperventilating honks]
Ze
Moe- Moe, calm down! Moe, I’m fine, I- Moe! Moe! Chill, Moe! Moe!
Regect
Welcome to the coal factory, buddy. This is where we get the coal.
Ze
Uh- This is where we get the coal?
Regect
[Angry yell] I JUST said that!
Ze
You-- You good, man?
Regect
Yeah, I’m fine, I don’t- I don’t know why I did that.
Ze
Yeah, I was--
Test Dummy
[Low quality, angry] You think you’re better than me?!
Ze
What? Hello?
Ze
What- No, no one-- No, no one said that!
Regect
No, no, no, Ze, don’t talk to him! Ze, don’t engage!
Test Dummy
You think you’re better than me?! Be honest! Do you think you’re better than me?! You think you’re better--
[The Test Dummy begins to explode, tunneling straight down into the ground.]
Ze
OH! What? What- Hello? Why is he exploding?!
Regect
Yeah, I told you... Yeah. Yeah.
Ze
Wh- Why is our car down there?! What just happened?!
Regect
Told you not to interact. I told you.
Ze
He’s still going! Wh-
Regect
You- You just gotta listen sometimes. Yep.
Regect
We are inside the factory! We made it!
Ze
Well, I guess this is the coal factory. Oh! Hey, it’s a picture of Guy Fieri.
Regect
Oh yeah, it is. Yeah, I- I-
Ze
Ah, I like him, I like him. I bought his books once.
[The png of Guy Fieri begins to make glitching noises.]
Ze
Wh- [Whispered] Moe, go that way. Moe, go. Just go, come on.
Regect
Alright, guys! If you want the coal, we’re going to have to- apparently we’re going to have to climb up there, I just talked to no one about it. But, yeah. I gotta- We gotta get up there.
Ze
We gotta climb all those stairs to get up there?!
Regect
Yeah, sorry Mr. Nintendo, th- there’s no “Wii” in this situation. I’m flying up there.
Ze
[Exasperated sigh] Oh my god.
Regect
I’ll see you guys up there, though! Hah! I’ll see you up there when I’m already-- [Fades out as he flies up]
Ze
Alright, Moe. Do you want him to come back down and take you up there? Fly you up there?
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
Y- You want to climb it with me?
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
Oh- Alright, sure, yeah. Here, uh- I guess, uh- [clears throat] I guess we’ll climb it.
Regect
[Pained] OOH!
Ze
Oh! What the--
Ze
What?! Who was- I don’t even- I don’t even know. I’m not even going to ask.
Regect
Wow, I don’t know who that was, but uh- but, yeah. You know, that guy was a real idiot for flying up there when you should just climb up. We’re- I’m going to climb up. Come on guys, let’s climb up. Let’s climb! Let’s climb, let’s climb, let’s climb! Guys, we’re wasting time! [Voice fades out]
Ze
I think we should just start climbing, we’re wasting time. Alright.
Regect
Y’all better hurry, I’m going- I’m going to get up there before you guys. You better- You better pick up the pace, you know?
Ze
Maybe don’t go up so fast! There’s no railing. You fall, you fall, dude. And you gotta climb all the way back up. Unless you want to fly again.
Regect
Oh, okay, jackass. It’s not fucking Mount Everest, it’s a staircase, I think I can do it.
Ze
I- I’m just coming off of experience! You fell the first time. You- You- You flew up and fell the first time. How did you fall, anyway?
Regect
Okay, I literally fell- I fell– Let me- Let me talk.
Regect
I fell because I wasn’t- I was messing around, okay? And I was fine, okay? Now I’m--
Ze
Yeah, you were fine, but you had to restart the whole thing. This thing is not-
Ze
-this is not a small staircase, okay? You just- You keep- Okay, whatever.
Regect
I made it to the top! I made it to the top, okay? If I did- If I didn’t make it the top--
Ze
Whatever you say, dude. Whatever you say.
Regect
OOOOOH!! [Fading as he falls]
Ze
Uh- He’s- He’s fine, Moe. He’ll fly back up. Just keep going, just keep going. We g- gotta- We gotta, quick.
Sup, shitlord? Sorry, we don’t have time to talk.
Ze
Oh hey, you found him! Hey, say hi to Kevin for me, alright? I- I gotta talk to him about some stuff later.
Assimilation
[Onscreen text] Andre that’s the guy. Andre look. Andre. ANDRE LOOK! YOU ARE NOT LOOKING! ALL I ASK IS FOR YOUR RESPECT!
Ze
Oh, hey, I remember you! Yeah, thanks for the, uh- thanks for the guns and stuff. I, uh- I really appreciate them, they’re cool.
Ze
Wh- What are- Climb! Come on! What have you been doing?! How long have you been sitting there for? Wh- What have you been doing the whole time? We told you to climb like- We’ve been telling you to climb. What are you on about? Are you stupid or something?
Regect
Oh, hey guys-- Oh god, I’m so- I forgot, I forgot- I- I’m up here, I’m up here! I’m up here, guys. I- I- I’m not even-- I just- I guess I forgot, huh.
Ze
[Sigh] We finally made it up here, and-
Regect
Oh, look! I was right!
Ze
Oh! Look at that! Look at all the coal! Oh my god, you weren’t lying! There actually is coal here! Nice! Oh, well thank god.
Regect
Hah! There is coal! Oh my god, I knew- I told you there would be coal. I’m not a liar. I told you.
Ze
Look at this view. Wh- What is that tower over there?
[Regect quickly flies into the distance with a loud, inhuman shriek.]
Ze
Oh! [Resigned] I-- I guess we’ll meet him at home, Moe. H- He is not coming back for you, I’m sorry. Come on.
Ze
Um. I don’t think, uh- I don’t think having all these furnaces going at the same time is a good idea.
Regect
What did I tell you about the seven furnaces? Was I right or was I right? Seven different stacks of food at the same time!
[A smoke alarm begins to beep.]
Ze
I- I don’t- No, I don’t- I don’t think this is a good idea. No, you- I don’t think we should- You need to back up! Go go go-!
Regect
Ain’t that right, Moe? Isn’t that cool? What are you talking about? We’re fine! We’re fine! What’s that noise? Why is it beeping- OH!
Moe
[Honks]
[The furnaces explode.]
Ze
Okay! That was our whole house, it just got blown up. How do you- How do you feel about that?
Regect
I think this is incredibly picture worthy!
Ze
Of- Yeah, of course you do.
Regect
Hold on, hold on. Let me- Let me get this out.
Ze
You gonna- You gonna get a camera- [Wheezing laugh] That is the most scuffed camera ever.
Regect
Yes, I’m taking a- taking a picture. Moe, pose over there! Come on, get the camera ready.
Regect
Alright, yeah, alright. You- I- I’ll go on this side, I’ll go-
Ze
Alright, uh, alright. Say- Say cheese. Say cheese, guys.
Regect
Wh- No, get in the picture!
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
Wh- Me?
Regect
I set a timer, hurry! Come on! You’re- You’re in the picture too, come on.
Ze
I- I- A- Alright, yeah. Yeah, alright. Cool. Wh- What do I say? Wh- When does it start? When did you even put the timer?! There was no--!
Regect
Alright, alright. L- Look at the camera, and say something. Say something that has to do with food, I guess, I dunno. Say something--
[The camera’s shutter goes off.]
Ze
Wow, hey, look at that.
Regect
Wow, look at that.
Regect
Yeah, you probably should’ve stayed out of the way.
Ze
Yeah, alright, man. Whatever, I guess, I don’t know.
Regect
I’m just- I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I don’t mean that. ...Well, now what?
Ze
Well- Well, you know what? We blew up the house, we gotta rebuild it! And we’re gonna have to rebuild it together!
Ze
So, yeah, montage time! We’re gonna do a montage of us building a house together. Here we go, yep!
Regect
We gotta rebuild it- Yeah, we gotta rebuild the house! You know what that means! Montage time! Time to build a house together, yep, build a house!
[Walk of Life by Dire Straits fades in as a brief building montage begins. It is a uplifting rock-and-roll song.]
Ze
Legality? You want to talk about legality?! You don’t own this fucking plot. You don’t own this plot! [Stammers] No, no, no, we’re allowed to put it wherever we want! There’s no- no- Okay. You want to talk about legality? Okay, that’s- extremely against legality.
Regect
It’s seriously not a big deal! We didn’t know we’d have to pay, there was no sign around it. Ze, calm down, we don’t have to do this, dude. We don’t have to- We don’t have to- Okay, okay, we’ll move the stuff, you don’t need to yell.
Moe
[Honks]
Grifftana
Legality! It’s against the law! I- I own-- You know what? It’s not legal! The legality of it! I- I- You have to pay for the plot, you can’t just go around building houses wherever you want.
Ze
Hey, you ever seen Rambo? You ever seen Rambo? You ever seen Rambo? You ever seen Rambo? Huh? Rambo ain’t never done this!
[Ze opens fire on Grifftana with a minigun.]
Ze
Rambo ain’t never done this! Yeah?! Yeah?! Yeah!
Regect
Oh, hey, you- Oh my god! Wait, Ze, chill chill chill!
Moe
[Honks]
Grifftana
Wait! Wait, wait, wait! I’m sorry about this! OH! OH!
Ze
YEAH! YEAHHH!! [Gurgling]
Regect
Jesus Christ, Ze! What is your problem?! No, Moe, don’t cheer for him! Why are you happy about this?! What is wrong with you guys?!
Moe
[Celebratory honks]