Ze
Okay, so apparently I'm supposed to go furniture shopping because our house is "too bland?" So- uh, I'm just looking- I don’t know where I'm supposed to get furniture from, it's fricking Minecr-
Is that IKEA? I didn't know there was an IKEA here, but alright. It's in the middle of nowhere. But- uh, you know what, that's exactly what I need, so-
[Mysterious music plays.]
Ze
Uh, okay. Uh- Hey, excuse me, do you know where I could find, like, furniture or some- ...Uh, okay.
This place is a labyrinth. I guess I'll take the stuff in here? I don't know why there's an emerald, I don't even know what's going on.
Hey, do you know where I can find furniture? No one is... helping me... and you're no... different. Okay, thanks. [Under breath] Fucking dick.
I don't know what I'm supposed to be looking for, I- Should I just call him? I'm just going to call him, he- he sent me on this.
[Phone ringing.]
Regect
[Crackling over the phone] Hello?
Ze
Hey. Yeah, uh, what am I looking for again?
Regect
Yeah I was, uh- just see if they have, like, a coffee table there?
Ze
Okay, what kind of coffee table?
Regect
If they do it should be like- like three thousand eight bucks? I don't remember.
Ze
Three grand?! We don't have that kind of money, dude. Like, how, what-
Regect
Well- Uh, well, get a loan or something? I don't know. I'm, uh- um.
Ze
I guess we could, yeah.
Regect
If you can't, it's fine, just try to get, like, meatballs for Moe, or something.
Ze
Wh- Moe wants meatballs?
Regect
Yeah, she... really likes IKEA meatballs, for some reason.
Ze
Alright, I'll get those, that's cool.
Regect
Alright. Yeah, sure, whatever, bye.
Ze
Aight, yeah, b- bye.
Hey, do you know wh- Okay, they just walk away. What is these guys’ problems?!
Ze
Alright, I couldn’t find the meatballs, but it’s fine, I guess.
...I- Why can’t I… Why can’t I go home? Hello? The door’s not opening. What?
[Hum of the power going out.]
Ze
Wh- Oh?! Uh, hello? Someone? I’m still in here.
IKEA “Worker”
[Echoing and indistinct] Excuse me, the store has closed.
Ze
Wh- What do you mean? Can anyone help me? Hello?
IKEA “Worker”
[Echoing and indistinct] Excuse me, the store has closed. [Continues to repeat]
[Electronic chase music begins to play.]
Ze
AH! AHHH! What the hell?! I’m friendly, I’m friendly, I’m friendly, I’m a cool guy! Don’t hurt me!
Are they still chasing me? Yep, they’re still chasing me!
Guys, I get the store’s closed, I’m trying to get out- I’m trying to get out of here. I didn’t do anything wrong! Leave me alone, please!
Ze
I found this key, I- I- I think it’s the key to get out. Please-
[The sound of a portal is heard as Ze is teleported out. The chase music fades out.]
Ze
[Panting] Oh, oh thank god.
Ze’s Phone
[Ringtone jingle] Who’s phone is ringing? Mine! Mine! Who’s-
Ze
Wh- Hello?
Regect
[Low quality over the phone] Dude, I just remembered, that IKEA is fucked up, do not go there, okay? Just letting you know, yeah. Okay, that’s all, bye.
Ze
[Frustrated] Thanks, thanks. He does this on purpose, he is the worst roommate ever, he is the worst- he just wants to- [Angry gurgling]