[Erratic, loud glitching noises emit from a fractal.]
Ze
I’m coming! I- I’m coming, I’m coming. Wh- What is that?!
Regect
Ze! Ze! Come over here, get over here! What is- what is this thing?
Ze
Wh- What do you mean? Why is it- It’s huge! It’s shaking! It’s making a lot of noise, too. What the hell? What happened?
Regect
Wh- I- We were just messing around and this thing showed up. We’ve got no clue. I- I- I think I have- uh, I- I don’t know.
Ze
It’s- It’s getting louder.
Regect
I think I have, uh- I think I have someone who can help us.
Ze
Do we? Okay, yeah. It’s just- alright, alright, I’m following, I’m following you. Come on-
Regect
I know someone. But- but we gotta get out of here. It’s just- It’s getting bigger. Come on, let’s go, I know someone.
Regect
Alright, this is the place.
Ze
Are you absolutely sure this is the guy?
Regect
Oh, I don’t know, why don’t you take a look at the sign outside? Just- you can just look up, look up, look at what it says.
Ze
“Helps with huge unknown rifts-” oh.
Regect
Swear to god, you ask the dumbest questions.
Ze
Okay, yeah, that’s on me.
Regect
Alright, cool.
Grifftana
[Gruffly] Yeah, what’s up? You need something?
Ze
Yeah, we came here about the sign, and apparently you deal with rifts?
Regect
[Mumbling] Yeah, that’s what we fucking came inside, for that...
Regect
Unknown rifts! Unknown rifts.
Ze
Yeah, unknown rifts, or whatever, I don’t know.
Grifftana
Oh, you got yourself tangled in one of them!
Ze
We just said that, yeah...
Regect
We- yeah, we just expressed that.
Grifftana
I’ll help you, but- uh, first I need to ask the question. What is your name?
Ze
M- me? Ze. I guess.
Grifftana
Hmm... That’s what they all say.
Ze
Who has ever specifically said that-
Regect
They all say their name is Ze?
Grifftana
To the upper quarters!
Ze
Okay, I guess we’re going upstairs now. That’s nice.
Regect
Oh, okay, I guess we’re going up.
Grifftana
You wanna seal those rifts? You’re gonna need this.
Ze
What’s this little doohickey?
Grifftana
It’s a rift remover. It does exactly what you think it does. I removes rifts from- from the world.
Ze
Oh rif- yeah. Okay, yeah, cool. And- and if that doesn’t work?
Grifftana
[Sigh]
Ze
What that- Is that a gun?
Regect
I think that’s a gun.
Ze
Are you suggesting I should kill myself--
Grifftana
[Interrupting] Kill yourself? Yes, yes I am. If it does not work, you must take your own life because there is no going back.
Ze
Alright! Cool. I’ll keep that in mind.
Regect
Cool. Morbid but cool, yeah.
Ze
We’re gonna go back, we’re gonna take care of those rifts, right?
Regect
Yeah, yeah, I’m down. I’m ready for it.
Grifftana
Well good luck- good luck to you two, I- I have nothing else to give, so I’m going to kill myself.
Ze
Oh god! Wh- what are you doing, stop, stop!
Regect
Oh my god! Wait- wait-
Ze
Alright. [Stammering] I’m– I’mma- I’m gonna- close the rift now.
Regect
[Mocking] I’m ‘onna- I’m ‘onna- I’m ‘onna... Heheh, that’s what you sound like.
Ze
Okay, thanks, asshole.
Regect
I was making a joke.
Ze
Okay, I’m sealing the thing now.
Regect
Did it work?
Ze
Oh, “rift will close”, cool!
[The rift begins groaning.]
Regect
Uh oh.
Ze
Why is it making that noise? Why is it-
Regect
That doesn’t sound good. I’m not staying to find out. No, I’m leaving.
Ze
Wait- wh- Moe, wait, where are you going? Moe? You-
Regect
We gotta get out of here. Oh shit, I can fly! I just remembered. I’m out! I! Out!
Ze
Wh- what about me? What am I supposed to- Oh, no, no, NO-
Ze
Well, gosh. I’m really glad that figured itself out.
Regect
I agree.
Ze
We did not have to learn anything from our mistakes.
Regect
It just- it just all played out perfectly.
Ze
Not one lesson was learned this entire video. Nope. Nothing. There was nothing to learn! We didn’t have to fix anything. We just had everything fix itself. That’s good.
Regect
We- nothing went wrong. No- yup, nothing to be learned, it was- it was like a two minute video, it was not much to learn.
Regect
I honestly don’t think that could play out any better. I do.
Ze
Yep. I agree, I agree.
[Car horn honks.]
Ze
Wh- what are you... No, no, get out! Go away! Go. Go.
Regect
Oh- hey, hey! No, get out. Go- go away, get out of here. G- Go. Go.
Ze
[Whispered] He’s been doing that for like, weeks.
Ze
[Whispered] So bad. I just- I don’t- I don’t want him- I don’t want him to be a part of this.
Regect
[Whispered] I know, I told him to go away, but of course... I know, I agree, I agree.