Ze
Well, it took a bit, but I finally rebuilt my new house, buddy. Took a- took a while, but now- wh- wh- what the...
[A group of safety-vested workers parade by.]
Ze
What is going on over there? Oh- hi! Okay.
What was that, buddy? What do you think that was? Do you have any idea?
[Ze’s dog barks and shakes its head.]
Ze
Did you just shake your head? You’re not my dog. I- le- I’m just gonna go check it out, I guess.
Ze
They went down this hole. There’s torches down there, though, and it looks like wood? Or something?
Ze
Not sure what this is, but uh, there’s a little hole back here. I’m gonna go check that out.
[Ze takes fall damage.]
Ze
[Pained] AUGH!
Ze
Oh, look, a house. All those poor people, who could’ve possibly-
Regect
Hey, buddy! It’s me- I- It’s your pal- oh, okay.
Ze
I knew it. I knew it. I knew it was you. I- nope, shut up.
Ze
What are you doing? What is this? Why’d you build a house underground?
Regect
Oh, I didn’t just build this house underground. There’s even more stuff below, which I’m going to show you right now!
Ze
Okay, uh-
Regect
No, I forgot to put the water down! So sorry, I-
Ze
[Frustrated yell] G-GAH!
Regect
So, what do you think?
Ze
It’s nice, but what’s this hole right here?
Regect
Well, I don’t know, I’ve just been sending my workers down there to see what it is. Hey you, buddy, it’s your turn to investigate.
Ze
O-Oh, it’s alive.
Regect
Go check. Go check down there.
[The worker walks into the hole.]
Ze
Wh- Uh. I think you’re killing these guys.
Regect
Did you see anything?
Ze
I think- no, I think these guys are dying because you’re sending them down the hole. I don’t know if that’s a smart-
Regect
No- what? No, that’s- it’s just-
Regect
Oh wait, this thing here I didn’t build. It was kind of here when I... came here, so.
[Door opens to incomprehensible whispers.]
[Door closes and whispers cease.]
Ze
Sheesh, someone tell that guy yellow is not his color! Ha ha, yeah, that was a quip, that was good quip-
[Loud staticky noise.]
Ze
OH MY-!
Ze
[Panicked whisper] Did you see that? No- Did you see that? Did you see him?
Regect
What? Yeah, yeah, I saw him, I see him.
Ze
Wait, he was right there.
Regect
Well, don’t freak out, but he’s right behind you still. He’s still behind you.
[Ze looks back at the figure, and the static is heard again.]
Ze
Oh my! Okay- okay- okay.
Regect
Just wait ‘til he goes away. We’ll just- we’ll just-
[Ze looks back again, to more loud static.]
Regect
Just stop looking at him! Stop looking there.
Ze
I’m sorry, I’m just- Okay, okay. Alright.
Regect
Okay. Yeah, he’s gone, he’s gone. I think- We’re good?
Ze
Oh, he’s gone. I’m gonna- yeah, he’s gone. We’re good.
Regect
Okay, we’ll continue.
Ze
Okay, we’ll go back.
Regect
This is where I wanted to show you for a bit.
Ze
That- that ladder wasn’t here before. That’s a huge continuity error.
Regect
[Mocking] Ooo, that’s a huge continuity error- [Yell] GO UP THE FUCKING LADDER! Go up!
Ze
Oh- okay- Okay! Gosh, alright, I’m going.
Regect
Alright. Okay, I’m not- I don’t want to climb up there so I’m just gonna teleport. See you up there. Slow- slowpoke. Haha, you slow, you slow as hell.
Ze
[Sarcastic] O-Oh, yeah, you’re so funny. Yeah, okay, dick. I hate you- I hate him. I hate him.
Ze
[Winded sigh] Okay.
Regect
Okay, took you long enough, but here we are.
Ze
Yeah, I know.
Regect
This is my house! Which, if you notice, is directly next to your house. So, we’re neighbours now.
Ze
[Sarcastic] Oh, great. Yeah, neighbours. That’s awesome, love it.
Regect
But, yeah, it’s really cool.
Ze
Looks nice, at least.
Regect
So, I got oak everything. I got oak logs, oak doors, I even got the roof to be oak too. Isn’t that cool?
Ze
Uh- That’s not.
Regect
What?
Ze
Uh- that’s not oak. That’s something else. I don’t know what it is.
Regect
Yeah, it is.
Ze
No it’s not.
Regect
Yes, it is.
Ze
That is not oak.
Regect
That is oak.
Ze
That is not oak. I’ve seen- I’ve played this game for years, I- that- oak is not that color. Oak is like a tannish color. That’s almost- that’s near pink! Are you colorblind? That’s a completely different color! There’s two different-
Regect
That is oak, that’s oak wood. I literally- I mined all the trees, I made- I made all the stairs, I made the house! You can’t- I made everything, every ounce of this house is made by me, you can’t tell me that something-
[A garbled, reversed voice interrupts as an eye png flies in.]
Ze
Uh. Oh, you don’t know this guy? I- okay, uh, you’re already inside. Okay- I guess.
Regect
Okay- I’m just gonna- gonna go in the house, and you can meet- uh, meet me in there. I’m already in there.
Ze
Oh, it’s gone, it’s leaving.
Regect
Yeah, I don’t know what that is.
Regect
What’s up! What do you think?
Ze
Looks nice! It’s a- it’s a good interior. I like it, I like the interior.
Regect
Yeah, pretty cool? Thank you, thank you.
Regect
This is my pool room, this is where- I- you know, I go swimming.
Ze
Oh, swimming, that’s always fun.
Regect
It also gives me a direct view of your house so I can keep tabs on you.
Ze
What-
Regect
Not in a weird way, though, like, an “I hate you” way. Like, an evil way.
Ze
O-Oh, right, yeah. Totally, I get it-
Regect
These are baked cakes. These are the cakes I like to keep.
Ze
Did you make those? They look mid, ha ha.
Regect
Thanks, asshole, my late grandmother made them.
Ze
Oh- I’m so-
Regect
Just kidding, I don’t have parents.
Regect
This is the room where I keep the-
Ze
Don’t mean to be impatient, but you brought me up here to see an anvil?
Regect
Oh, I see. You want to- you want to get the main attraction immediately. Okay, I’ll deliver, I’ll deliver.
Ze
Oh- oh, sick! Okay, cool-
Regect
I’ve been practicing to be an escape artist, and now, I will show you my greatest act.
Ze
Alright, cool!
[Regect gurgles, drowning.]
Ze
Oh- you might want to close those doors. Okay, escape! Nope- keep the doors closed, you want to escape, right?
[Regect's gurgles slow.]
Ze
Oh, you’re not moving. Oh, I- I think I’m just going to go home.
Ze
I’m just going to go home. And he’ll most likely be alive tomorrow, because this is a neverending hell that I can’t escape. [Increasing urgency] I hate it, I hate everything, I hate this world, I hate EVERYTHING, I WANT IT TO--