[A mule whinnies and gallops through the castle.]
Ze
Grab it- just grab it! Cut it off, cut it off. You go left, I’ll go right! Grab it! Come on!
Regect
I’m- I’m trying to grab it! Okay, yeah, I’ll go left. Argh!
Ze
I’m trying, it’s fast! It’s a horse!
Regect
Okay, just catch it! It’s just- just go!
Ze
How’d it get in here?
Regect
Don’t ask that, just go! Grab it!
Ze
Get over- No- Don’t- Oh my- oh my... Is it dead?
Regect
Oh- it’s gonna jump! It’s gonna escape- oh.
Regect
Why did you let it escape?
Ze
ME?! I- you let it- no, don’t put this- you can teleport and shit. Why didn’t you get in front of it or something? Oh, fuck you dude, come on.
Regect
You- I told you to catch it! That’s- don’t change the subject! That’s not me, that was not- you know what, just, come on, go back inside.
Ze
Now my screen’s acting up so-
Regect
Yo, look at that!
Ze
What are you talking about- what?
Regect
There’s a door! And there’s a sign above it.
Ze
What? “Down here for a litter too long”?
Regect
I think it’s a misspelling, I think they meant to say little.
Ze
Oh, well, okay.
Regect
Why are you moving around so much? What the hell?
Ze
Sorry, my screen’s being weird, I don’t know why.
Regect
Uh, well, when it fixes, uh- twenty bucks says you go down there.
Ze
Hm. Twenty.
Regect
All you gotta do is go down there.
Ze
Twenty bucks? Just gotta go down there?
Regect
I’m not going down there. Carpe diem, bro. Carpe diem.
Ze
Okay, sure, why not, I’ll explore. But, hey! Come here, come to the door, I need to tell you something. I need to tell you-
Regect
What’s up, what’s up?
Ze
When I’m done, open the door for me. I’m trusting you this time.
Regect
You- you got it! I’ll do exactly that.
Ze
What is this thing? It’s like- it’s like a dungeon but all the stuff is missing. Oh, there’s a door here! Oh, okay?
[Ze comes across a pirate in diamond armor mining bedrock.]
Ze
Oh- uh, buddy? You good? Uh, your king’s dead, so uh, you can come back up. Or not. I’ll just leave you there, I guess. That’s weird.
Ze
Okay- okay, I’m done, I did it. Can I come out now? Dude? Hey! Where’d you go? Oh my god, I- I can’t get out, there’s no button in here.
[Annoyed] God, I knew that asshole would do this! I knew he would forget… Maybe there’s another way down here if I just keep look-
[Mysterious music begins to play.]
Ze
What is that? What- is that a door? What is it made of? Quartz? What the hell is this? Al-alright.
[Extremely deep, distorted speech can be heard. ]
Ze
What is going on? Someone's up there.
Maturin
[Mostly incomprehensible, deep, distorted speech] I’m going to find you...
Ze
Uh- hello? Hi! Uh- what are you doing here? Where is here? I- I can’t hear you. I don’t know what you’re... can you turn around?
[Maturin turns, revealing a dark distorted smile.]
Ze
Wh- what the f- what the!
[Ze flees the room. Maturin begins to scream and knock loudly on the quartz door as the music crescendos.]
Ze
[Terrified] AH! AHHHHH! oh my god, he’s gonna break through. Oh- oh my god! Give me that, you don’t need it!
[Ze kills the pirate mining bedrock and takes his pickaxe.]
Ze
I need to break that door, I need to break it- I- I- oh my god!
Maturin
[Heavily distorted] I’ll fucking kill you!
Ze
Where is it- over here! Go, go go go- [Noises of horror and disbelief] Oh, ohhh, fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck the twenty dollars, I’m not doing this, I am not doing this! No, no, nonononono!
[Ze breaks open the door and the music stops.]
Ze
[Out of breath] Is it- does it close? Okay... It’s just a regular door now. I’m not letting anyone else go down there, no matter- oh no-
Regect
Hey, what's up, man?
[Ze yelps and whips around with a gun.]
Regect
Woah, Dude! Why are you scaring our guest like that?
Ze
Wh-who the fuck- who is that?!
Regect
I don’t know- I don’t know her name, but god, dude, she is funny, man, let me tell you! Hey, do that- that one thing you showed me- that one thing- dude, it’s so funny, watch, watch, watch.
Moe
[Honks]
Regect
[Giggles] God! Dude, do you see that? Oh, she’s sick!
Regect
Oh, oh, she’s like our jester. She’s like our jester, now, man. Jester in a castle. Yeah, y-you’re cool, you can stay with us, girl. Y-y-you’re awesome, man.
Ze
[Distracted] Oh. C-cool. Oh, yeah. Uh- sure. Yeah. Jester. Yeah.