Ze
You got us- fr- You- how do you corrupt an entire- you corrupted the whole thing! We had that going for us, and you absolutely ruined it! YOU RUINED IT! You absolutely screwed everything up, and now I-
Regect
I didn’t do anything. You- You can’t prove that. You can’t prove that. It wasn’t me- It wasn’t me who got- nope. No, I’m not listening. I- I- no. That is not true either! You know what, just go- I-
Regect
Just go collect- go collect materials. Let’s go- I’ll help you rebuild it anyways.
Ze
That’s not the point! I- [Defeated] Okay.
Regect
Just go, just go.
Ze
He corrupted the entire world and now we have to restart and build up from scratch. I don’t know how long it’s going to take, I don’t know if it’s going to take this whole video, I don’t-
[Ze turns around to find a fully completed house.]
Regect
It's done.
Ze
How did you-
Regect
Oh, oh, what was that?
Ze
I didn't even- I-
Regect
Oh, oh, I was right? Oh- oh, you’re an idiot? Oh, you’re stupid?
Ze
‘Kay, that’s not what I- Alright.
Regect
Oh, oh, I- I- I’m the good guy? Yeah.
Regect
Now come inside, come on. I’ll show you around. ‘Cause I built it.
Ze
[Sigh] Yeah, what are you- okay. Sure, thanks.
Regect
[Singing] Our house, in the middle of our street- [Fades out]
Ze
I- I’m in hell. This is hell. This has to be-
Regect
Welcome to our new home, buddy!
Ze
[Sarcastic] Great, cool. New home.
Regect
We got everything here, I made sure to get the essentials.
Ze
That’s big, what the hell?
Regect
We have all the furnaces and all the crafting tables we need.
Ze
How many- how many do we have?
Regect
How many- [Under breath] One, two, three, uh... [Normal volume] Seven furnaces and seven crafting tables.
Ze
‘Kay, I just feel like that’s- too many furnaces. Isn’t that like, a fire hazard?
Regect
[Mocking] Do you think that’s a fire hazard? When did you become the HLA(?), huh?
Ze
I was just saying-
Regect
L- L- Let my do my thing, come on.
Ze
Okay, you know what, fine. You can have seven furnaces, I guess.
Regect
We live in this house together. [Inaudible]
Regect
Next up is our chest, right here. Nothing’s in it right now, but don’t you worry-
Ze
Uh-huh?
Regect
-once we start doing our stuff we’re going to get RICH!
Ze
[Startled] O- Okay!
Ze
Okay, stop- stop yelling.
Regect
SO RICH! SO RICH!
Regect
Over here, we have four jukeboxes. Do you know what we can do with four of them?
Ze
We can play four songs simultaneously?
Ze
That's cool.
Regect
Four songs.
Regect
Do you know how cool we’d be?
Ze
[Unenthused] We’d- We’d be as cool as someone with four jukeboxes, yes.
Regect
Yeah yeah yeah, anyway, here’s the coffee table, this is what I wanted to show you-
Ze
Wait a minute... What is- H- Hey, hey, come here! What is that?
Regect
What? Oh, that? I just- I found that outside, that’s nothing rare.
Ze
You just found it?
Regect
Yeah, just- it was outside.
Ze
O- Outside?
Regect
It was in the woods. I just decided to-
Ze
You just randomly found... I have a hard time believing that, but you know what, whatever, I guess.
Regect
Yeah, outside. Anyways, coffee table, living room, this is where we’ll- we’ll hold our hang outs.
Ze
Yeah, okay, hang out in here.
Regect
Uhh- over here is the cows, I don’t know how they got here but I’m keeping them.
Ze
Four cows, okay.
Regect
I named them all, but I’m not telling you the names, because you don’t deserve to know.
Ze
[Sarcastic] Cool, yeah, thanks.
Regect
Uhh- And then up- up here is nothing right now.
Ze
Let me see- [Ze hits his head on the ceiling] Ow! Dammit.
Regect
Just an upstairs porch.
Ze
It’s a nice balcony, I guess. Got a good view.
Regect
But, yeah! That’s our house, that’s our new house-
[The sound of something shattering.]
Regect
OH- OH- Ohhh, I just fell down the stairs.
Ze
Oh. You good? I’m coming down anyways, I don’t care.
Regect
Oh, don’t come down here, I’m really hurt. Can you come down here anyways?
Regect
What’d you think of the house, you know?
Ze
I-It’s nice, but I... I feel like something’s missing.
Regect
You’re right, it is kind of missing something.
[Digging noises.]
Ze
What- What is that?
Regect
Wh- What is that?
Ze
I think it’s coming from down there.
Regect
Oh, I’m glad you have ears. [Muttered] Fucking idiot, yeah.
Ze
Woah!
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
Moe! It’s Moe! What’s up, Moe? Yeah, Moe-
Regect
Oh, it’s Moe! Moe, there you are, yeah! I was kind of wondering where you were. Heck yeah, dude.
Moe
[Honks]
Regect
Guys, I'm thinking, new house, you know what we have to do, right?
Ze
Uh- house- housewarming party?
Regect
Read my code clearly, read my code!
Ze
Yeah, I'd be down, yeah, let's do that.
Ze
Housewarming party, I’m [inaudible] to that. Yeah, Moe's cool with it too. Let's do it! Send out the invitations, we'll get a bunch of people over here, we'll get- get stuff-
Regect
Yeah, let's- I'll get the invitations out- Yeah, Moe, -I'll go invite everyone, invite, like, a bunch of people, get snacks, we’ll get all that stuff. We're gonna have a great-
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
[Sigh] So how many, uh, people did you invite?
Regect
[Downcast] Sixteen.
Ze
And how many people came?
Regect
N- None. Well, except for him.
Avery
Hey guys!
Ze
This isn't going to work. This- This isn't going to work.
Regect
Yeah, yeah, it's a bust.
Ze
Yeah, s- sorry man, you can- you can head home now. You can head home.
Avery
Alright. Bye bye!
Ze
[Quietly] That sucks, yeah.
Ze
No no no no! Not left, not left. Go- Go the other way, go the other way, yeah.
Regect
Not left, though. Not left, not left, no! Other way. Go right. The other way.
Avery
Oh! Oh, okay. I’m gonna go the other way then- oh, yeah, okay.
Ze
[Relieved exhale] That was close.
Regect
That was- yeah, that is bad, that-
Ze
Okay, the housewarming party was a bust so we need something to fill this video. [Finger snapping] Come on, what do we got, what do we got?
Regect
Uh... Magnet fishing?
Ze
Magnet fishing? Cool, yeah.
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
We’ll- yeah. Magnet fishing it is, I- I got a boat. I already have a boat, we can just use my boat. Let’s just go.
Regect
Alright, yeah, cool! I’ve always wanted to go magnet fishing. I- I never got the chance. I’ve never done anything, actually-
Ze
Alright guys, are you ready to-
Regect
What’s up, captain?
Ze
Where’d you get that hat?
Regect
Oh, that’s- I gave her that hat. I have the same hat on, you just can’t see it because I don’t have a head.
Ze
Where’s my- Where’s my hat?!
Regect
You don’t get a hat, you’re the captain. You- You- You don’t get shit. Cause you suck.
Ze
Oh. Oh, yeah.
Ze
That’s- uh, yeah, okay, cool. Yeah. Yeah, cool group.
Regect
That’s why we made you the captain, cause you- yeah, what she said. I think, I don’t know. Whatever she said.
Moe
[Rapidfire honks]
Ze
[Under breath] Fucking asshole. I hate him. I swear to god, he’s going to die, one day-
Regect
[Inaudible whispers]
Ze
[Singing under breath] Something, something, like a chicken with it’s-
Regect
Captain! Captain, look at what we got!
Moe
[Excited honks]
Ze
What? What the heck is that?! Where did you find this?
Regect
Well, we’re using magnets to fish, so obviously we’re going to get something completely made of iron.
Ze
I don’t- Okay, yeah, that makes sense, I guess.
Regect
It only makes sense.
Regect
But, uh, little heads-up, do not stare at it in the eyes. Okay? Do not stare at it in the eyes, it will- it will freak out.
Ze
Wait, you’re saying if I stare at it in the eye it’s going to freak out like it’s a gorilla or some-
[Ze yells as he is tossed back with a loud metal clatter.]
Regect
Precisely.
Regect
I mean, you got your ass handed to you, dude.
Ze
Shut up! Shut up, stop talking about it, please.
Regect
It’s alright, have a- Okay, alright. That’s fair.
Captain Dantes Von Dirt
That must be their ship. We found it! We found the landlubbers!
Ze
Wh- What?
Regect
What was that? I think it came from outside.
Captain Dantes Von Dirt
We’re going to get our revenge.
Regect
Is that another boat?
Ze
I think I know that voice. I think-
Regect
Is that another boat? Do you know people here?
Ze
Oh! I don’t- what- why, why, WHY?!
Regect
...Oh it’s the pirate, I remember him.
Captain Dantes Von Dirt
Avast! Land boy. I forgot the thing again.
Captain Dantes Von Dirt
But I found you!
Ze
I see that.
Captain Dantes Von Dirt
I was resurrected by pure hatred! For you.
Ze
[Frustrated sarcasm] Oh, that’s great! That’s awesome, that’s great.
Captain Dantes Von Dirt
And I have come here with my crew to deliver the cou- coup de grâce!
Ze
Oh, he thinks he’s Finn Bálor?
Ze
Hey, remember that staff I gave you? Like, a bit ago?
Regect
Uh, yeah?
Ze
Yeah, c- could you just- uh, hand that to me? I want to give him something. It gives presents, it gives presents, yeah.
Regect
Oh, okay, sure, I guess.
Captain Dantes Von Dirt
And now I- I’ll go on to- to ramble about my evil plan. Uh… Blah, blah, evil. Blah, blah, kill. Blah, blah... Super bad stuff.
Ze
I’m gonna give him a real big present.
[The Mystic Staff of Explosive Mana Condensation charges, the energy buzzing and crackling louder and louder.]
Ze
How’s this for coup de grâce, hm? Yeah? -prove it! Prove it!
Regect
Uh, Ze, what are you doing? Uh- Ze, maybe we just, uh- Sounds really-
Captain Dantes Von Dirt
What is that? Wh- wh- what are you doing? -we need to get out of here! Get the ship moving, get the ship moving, now! Get the ship moving, now!
Ze
Okay. Alright, I’ll admit, maybe I went a little too far, maybe that was overkill.
Regect
It was a little more than overkill. That whole place is a hole.
Ze
But, at the end of the day, we’re- we’re still- we’re gonna go home, and we’re gonna just enjoy the rest of our lives, right? Ain’t that right, guys?
Regect
Well, I guess you’re right. I guess it’s time to head home, now. Let’s go.
[Ze tries to stammer out a warning.]
Regect
[Pained] OH- OH! Dammit! Fuck! Dammit, come on!
Ze
[Sigh] Do I have to keep reminding him that he can fly? And teleport?
Ze
So what do you think we should do for the ending, huh?
Regect
Uhh, we could just sit here and talk, I don’t really know. I didn’t really have anything either.
Ze
Yeah, I didn’t really have a whole lot planned. And I know this video is probably not as long as I wanted it to be, but we got- we got- we got some stuff done, you think?
Regect
Uh, yeah, video, right.
Ze
Yeah, you think... Yeah! We did pretty good, magnet fishing was fun-
[The sound of blocks breaking.]
Ze
W- What is that- What is going- What is hap- What is going- Oh, OH- oh no, RUN! Get out of the way, go!
Regect
Magnet fishing was fun, I thought it was- What? I don’t see any- What- What are you talking- Oh, OH OH OH!
[Heavy footsteps as the iron golem chases Ze down.]
Ze
Oh my god! I forgot about that, I forgot- I know, I know, I know, I know, absolutely-
Regect
I told you not to look at it! You looked at it right in the eyes, and now it’s trying to kill people, and it’s your fault! It’s all your fault-
Moe
[Honk]
[Outro music fades in and drowns out Ze and Regect’s bickering.]