[Ominous sound effect.]
Ze
I’m not going down there.
Regect
I’m not going down there, either.
Ze
G- G- Great! Cool! Alright, we agree? Yeah! Alright, I’m cool with not- yeah.
Regect
Alright! Yeah! Yeah, no, I agree, yeah, we don’t have to go down there.
Ze
Alright, yeah, let’s just ignore this then. Let it figure itself out. Let’s go find something else to do for the video, I think we should, uh-
Regect
Let’s just get- Let’s just get out of here. We could find way better stuff to do, like somewhere else, we should-
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
Moe? Moe, don’t do it. Moe, don’t do it! No no no NO-
Regect
What are you doing? Moe, wait- Moe, stop, STOP-
Ze
[Disbelief] She jumped down there. She really went down there.
Regect
She sent that thing. She didn’t care!
Ze
Yeah, mhm.
Regect
Okay, alright. I’m going to go down there- going to go down there, but- but you gotta hype me up, you gotta hype me up. Come on, hype me up.
Ze
Uh. Uh, uh, uh- don’t- don’t die. Or do die, I really don’t care.
Regect
That’s- That’s horrible. Okay, yeah, thanks, whatever.
[Singing] One way or another- [Fades into distance]
Ze
He forgot he could fly, again.
[Loud crash as Regect hits the ground.]
Regect
[Pained] AUGH!
Ze
Dude, you just need to- you just need to fly, sometimes, dude.
Regect
Oh my god, shut up!
Ze
I’m just say-
Regect
Shut up and get down here, please. Just come on, just jump down.
Ze
Okay, yeah. Alright, I guess I gotta go down there too. I’ve got no one to hype me up except myself.
[Singing] Everybody Wang Chung-
Disembodied Voice
Transition...
Ze
Woah, woah, okay, alright. Uh.
Regect
Look at this place. Oh, look over here! Look, it's mossy cobblestone.
Ze
I- We already did this one.
Ze
We did this one in like, episode... something, I forget. Just get rid of it. Just-
Regect
Oh yeah, we- Oh yeah, you're right, we did do that one. Yeah. Alright, I'll just-
Ze
Ooo, boy.
Ze
Moe?
Regect
Moe?
Regect
Listen, I jumped off of a- into the hole first, so you've got to go first.
Ze
You know what, honestly, that's fair, that's fair. I can get behind that, just come on.
Regect
Just gotta keep it, you know, fair. You know what I mean?
Ze
Moe? Where are you?
Regect
Moe?
Ze
Moe?
Regect
Moe?
Ze
What the hell is- What? What is this?
Regect
Woah, there's a bat there. What is-
Regect
I didn't build this.
Ze
Yeah, but who did?
Ze
It's a hole-
Theatrebot
[Loud, robotic] Hello.
Ze
Woah!
Regect
Stranger! Stranger danger! Stranger! Stranger!
Ze
Wh- Who's that? Who are you?
Theatrebot
Welcome to my theatre. I am Theatrebot 2002.
Ze
Oh, it's a robot.
Regect
I can see that.
Ze
Made of wood, I think. That's weird.
Regect
I can also see that.
Ze
Say, have you seen like, a clown lady come around here? Or something?
Theatrebot
Unfortunately, I have not.
Ze
Dammit.
Theatrebot
Would you like to watch a movie?
Ze
No, we're- no, we're good- we're good- we're good- we are fine- I- we don't want to- we don't want!- No, I- Oh my god. Is he serious?
Regect
No we're- we're fine- we don't want- we don't want to watch- We don't want to watch a movie! No one wants to watch a movie right now! Yo, what is happening?
Ze
I think he's stuck. Let's just- let's just get moving, I think. Yeah. He's going to keep doing that for a bit, so I'm just gonna-
Regect
I- Yeah, I think he's broken. Alright, yeah, we're just- we're just going to go look for Moe for a bit, we'll go look for her.
Theatrebot
[On loop] Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.
Ze
Oh, there's a movie playing right now.
Regect
Oh, hey, look. It's Snow White with Gal Gadot.
Ze
I don't think that's the- I don't think that's the movie-
Regect
[Sudden rage] I HATE that movie! AH! AHHH!
Ze
Woah woah woah, hey, chill- chill out! What are you doing?!
[Regect mutters as he ineffectively attacks the screen.]
Ze
That's not- That's not doing anything. That's actually just not-
Regect
Okay- Okay, fine- you know what? I'll just go for the bottom ones then. Fuck it!
[The sound of things breaking and glass shattering drown out Regect's yelling.]
Ze
Okay? I mean, yeah, you- you get yourself out. I'm going to go try to talk to Theatrebot again, see if he is-
Regect
Alright. I feel better. I feel better now, I- Wh-
[Ominous music plays.]
Regect
Ooo, secret... Ze, I think I found something! Ze? Okay, screw it, I'll just- I’ll just go in myself. I'm a brave- I'm a brave... thing? I think?
Ze
I- just, I'm try- I want to be- I want to talk to whoever- I can't- there- What? Press one where?! There's no buttons, I- There's no numberpad! There's no levers, there's no nothing, there's nothing to interact with. What am I supposed to press?!
Theatrebot
[Robotic, reciting] If you would like to watch a movie, please press one. If you wish to talk about a movie, please press two. If you wish to hear these steps again, please press three. If you wish to speak to an admin, please press four.
Theatrebot
Repeating.
Ze
No, don’t repeat!
Ze
I- I'm telling you, I'm not trying to watch- Representative! Representative! Repre- AGH! Representative! You know what, forget it. You know what? I'm- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no-
Theatrebot
If you would like to watch a movie, please press one. If you wish to talk about a movie, please press two. If you wish to hear these steps again, please press three. If you wish to speak to an admin, please press four. Repeating.
Ze
Okay, Theatrebot was a hunk of shit, so now- Dude? Where'd you- Hello? ...Is that a hole?
Ze
It just leads to the outside of the theatre. There's a lot of coal. Is that how they keep the theatre going? I should kill Theatrebot-
[Same ominous music as before plays.]
Ze
Oh- What is- Is that a tunnel? Okay. What in the- What is this?
[Heavenly sound effect plays from blue stained glass.]
Ze
I have no idea what that is, but alright.
[Unknown figure chitters quietly.]
Ze
Wh- What? Can you speak up? I can't hear you, you're whispering. I can't hear- I- forget it. Forget it!
Ze
Oh, jeez, I found you guys! What happened out there?
Regect
Ze! Ze, I'm in here! Ze, it's terrible!
Regect
[Rushed] Apparently Theatrebot is evil and he wanted to kidnap Moe and use her and us for entertainment because all movies suck nowadays and then he found out I found out about that and then he wanted to torture and kill me by kidnapping me, you've got to get us out of here NOW!!
Ze
He said all that? He told you that? Okay, cool.
Regect
Just get us out of here, please, I'm begging you.
Ze
I- I- It's iron, dude, I don't know how I'm gonna break you out. I don't got a pickaxe, I don't got anything.
Regect
What? What do you mean? Just break it somehow!
Ze
You might- You might be stuck-
[Glitching. Ze now holds a gold pickaxe.]
Regect
Oh, you did bring a pickaxe! Oh, thank god. Okay. Yeah, just- just use that to break us out, man. Just do it, just do it, just do it.
Ze
Wh- How did- How did I- Okay, uh- Yeah, sure, alright, I guess. I- Alright.
Regect
We're free, finally!
Ze
Alright, come on- come on, Moe. Come on, we're going home. Moe? Moe?! Why isn't she saying anything?
Regect
Oh, she can't, he took her horn, dude.
[Lengthy pause as Ze slowly turns.]
Ze
[Barely contained rage] ...What?
Ze
[Uncontained rage] I'm going to kill you! Where is the horn? [Warning shot] I'm not kidding. Where is the horn?! Where is it- No, no, where is it? I'm getting that horn! [Warning shot] Where is it? Where is it, huh?! Where's the horn? I'm not joking, I'm gonna count to three-
Regect
Ze! We’re looking around down here. No, no, we’ll find the horn! No, he just- You don’t need to do this. Just chill out! T- Take a chill pill, man!
Theatrebot
Please don't kill me, I am sorry, I don't know where the horn is, I am sorry, don't hurt me please. [Repeated] Please don't kill me, I am sorry, I don't know where the horn is-
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
She found it. That's cool. Yeah. We can go home now, yeah.
Regect
Oh- Oh, she found it. Oh, sick. We can go home now.
Moe
[Honks]
Regect
I'm glad you found it, Moe. He was going to kill him. Yeah, he was serious, he was dead serious.
Theatrebot
Are you going to kill me?
Ze
Hmm....
Ze
Okay, buddy, I took the liberty of sparing you, but you're going to stuck in that- in that cage for a good bit!
Regect
Good bit.
Ze
Real good bit.
Regect
Dirty little rascal!
Ze
Yeah, you- you dirty little machine!
Regect
You- little bastard!
Ze
Yeah, serves you right. Next time you think of-
[Moe throws splash potions at the bars of Theatrebot’s cage.]
Ze
Moe, what are you doing?
Regect
Moe?
Ze
Moe, it’s caged up, it’s not going to go-
[Moe throws splash potions faster.]
Ze
Moe! Moe, stop it. Moe, it’s not going to go through the cage. Moe! Where did you get all these? Moe, stop- stop it. Moe, stop.
Regect
Moe. Yeah, it’s not going to go through. Moe- Moe- you need to- Moe, slow down! Moe! Moe! Stop!
[Moe begins to run around the house throwing splash potions everywhere.]
Ze
Moe- Oh my god! Moe! I- I- Moe, stop! What are you doing? Moe? What is going on? Stop it! Moe? [Dragged out] Moe-e-e???
Regect
Ze, grab her, you’ve gotta grab her. She’s breaking out, I don’t know what’s going on. Oh, make the music! Moe, make- make- the music.
[Outro music fades in.]
Regect
[To the tune of the outro music] Da da da da da da da da...