Captain Dantes Von Dirt
Well, Fante, thanks for, uh- inviting me! I gotta say, this dinner was a very good idea.
Wakafante
Oh- Oh yes, of course! I love having you over, you should- you should come over more often.
Captain Dantes Von Dirt
Yep, well, I better take my leave. It was nice meeting you all, you know, Regect, Moe...
[The Captain stares silently at Ze.]
Ze
[Punching the Captain] Get out! Go! Get out! Get out!
Captain Dantes Von Dirt
Ow! Okay, yeah, I'm leaving- Alright- Ow-!
Captain Dantes Von Dirt
Yeah, see you Fante!
Wakafante
Okay, bye, yeah.
Captain Dantes Von Dirt
Bye. Bye. Bye. Goodbye, guys.
Regect
Uh-huh.
Wakafante
Oh, oh! He forgot his coin bag. Hold on, let me stretch and- Move!
Ze
Jesus!
Wakafante
Wait! Wait, come back! Come back, you forgot it! You forgot your coin bag, come back, come back... [Fades into distance]
Ze
[Serious] Alright guys, I uh- I think we need to address the elephant in the room.
Regect
I’m not that big, am I?
Ze
No, not YOU! [Calming down] Not you. I- Sorry, not you. I- I’m talking about the hole and stuff, okay?
Look, I don’t know what this is but, like, it can copy us. Like- Do you know anything about that, Regect? I know you can kind of mimic voices.
[Regect stays suspiciously silent.]
Ze
[Sigh] Well... Look. I know it’s going to be harder to trust each other, so we need to make like a secret code word or something.
So, uh- Here, this is an example. Moe? Uh- If I need to make sure it’s you, I’m going to say “piano” and you’re going to tap your horn. You’re not gonna honk it, you’re going to tap on it. Alright?
Moe
[Honk]
Ze
Piano.
[Metal tinks as Moe taps on her horn.]
Ze
Boom! That’s perfect. Alright, cool. Uh- And then Regect, uh- ...just say your favorite song and I’ll know it’s you.
Regect
Well you know my favorite song is-
Ze
Big Country, yeah, I know.
Regect
-Big Country, right? Okay, cool.
Ze
And also, we gotta get used to being really close to each other. Like, we gotta stay close to each other, okay?
Regect
Okay.
[Regect and Moe stand on either side of Ze, comically close.]
Ze
Guys, this is just a little too close.
Regect
Hey man, you said to stay close and this is as close as we can get.
Ze
Okay, Moe, I can literally feel your breath into my- [Uneasy] You guys are in my ears! You are literally looking into my ears!
Moe
[Honks]
Regect
W- Well, you know what, you- you never gave us a- You never said anything! You just said stay close, okay?
Ze
You know what? The road to self-improvement, I gotta take- I gotta take responsibility. This is on me.
Regect
YEAH!
Ze
[Sigh]
Regect
So where are we going? What’s the plan?
Ze
The plan? Um- We need to go talk to someone. I’m taking you guys to talk to someone.
Regect
You’re taking us to talk to someone?
Ze
Someone who I think can help us with these holes, with this whole entity thing, and I think they can help us a good bit.
Regect
Okay, uh- Do we know this person?
Ze
I’d say you know them... Actually I don’t know how well you know them but, uh- You- You’ll know who I’m talking about when you see him.
[Ze knocks on the door of a small brick house.]
Regect
Oh, Maturin!
Maturin
Oh, hey guys.
Regect
What’s up man?
Maturin
Uh- What’s up? What’s up, man?
Ze
Hey there, Maturin. Uh, do you mind if we come in real quick to, uh- talk about something?
Maturin
Yeah, yeah, I- Come on in.
Regect
Let’s go!
Maturin
I haven’t really had many guests so it’s a little messy, sorry, but uh- what’d you want to talk about, man?
Ze
B- Basically we just, um... We want to know, do you know anything about, like, holes that have been appearing around the world?
Regect
Evil holes!
Maturin
[Contemplative] Holes, holes... Uhh... Maybe? I don’t know. You... Uhh... You might have to...
Ze
Uh-huh?
Maturin
...Take me to one of them so I can see what’s going on.
Ze
Okay.
Maturin
Here, I have an idea. So it’s easy for me to go around, I’ll go into this little box I have and you can just carry me around there.
Ze
Are you high right now--? You know what, sure, that works, whatever.
Maturin
Here, I- I’ll go into it right now.
[Cut-off scream as Maturin enters the playback button.]
Ze
Uh- What- Oh? Oh, you’re in here?
Maturin
What’s up guys, I’m in here with you now.
Regect
Who the hell is that?
Maturin
Oh, get him out of here! Get that guy out of here!
Sol Badguy PNG
[Singing] That is bullshit! Blazing! Still my heart is--
Regect
Huh? Oh, get him, Moe! Get him!
Moe
[Honks and throws splash potions]
Maturin
I don’t want that guy anywhere near my house! Get him out! Get him!
Sol Badguy
AH! AH! OH! OHH! OH! AH! OHH!
Ze
Y- Yeah, get him, Moe! Get him! Get him! Get him!
Moe
[Honks fade as she chases Sol out of the house]
Ze
Yeah, she’ll take care of that, I guess.
Regect
I- I guess, bro.
Maturin
Okay, so what do these, hmm, holes look like?
Ze
Oh well, it’s kind of hard to explain. They’re just holes, but like, at the bottom there’s a bunch of bedrock.
Maturin
Uhh- Uhhh- Hmm... Yeah, you’re gonna have to find one. Uh- Cause I can’t really go off of memory, I- I’m- I’m not good with that.
Ze
Alright, well, I guess we’ll go look for one and--
Regect
AHA! Ze, right over here! Come look, come look!
Ze
Oh wait, you found one?
Regect
¡Mira, pendejo! Right over here!
Ze
Wait, let me like-
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
Here. Maturin, look.
Regect
Right here.
Ze
Can you see it? Can you see the hole?
Maturin
Oh! Oh, one of these? Oh...
Ze
Wh- “O- One of these?” W- Wait. Wait, what?
Maturin
Uh, I think... Do- Do you know that weird guy? Whatever his name is?
Ze
Wakafante?
Maturin
Yeah, I think if you bring it up to him he’ll know something. Why don’t you take me to him?
Ze
Uh...
Maturin
Take me to him. Yeah, take me to him, I guess.
Ze
O- Okay. Moe, what are you-
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
Okay. Alright, yeah. L- Let’s go take this to Wakafante. Alright. Maturin, you said him and you might know something? Or something along those lines of, like, something...
[Ze’s voice fades as everyone else walks away. Regect stares into the hole, which echoes with humming and creaking sounds.]
Regect
[Uneasy] That’s, uh... That’s terrifying.
...I really hope this works.
[Cut-off static as the Eyes appear in the hole for a split-second.]