Ze
Alright, the house is just up here, come on, come on, come on.
Maturin
Yeah, let's go up.
Moe
[Honks]
Ze
Fante? Fante?! We have something to show you!
Regect
Where is he?
Ze
Fante?
Regect
Wait, Ze, there’s a chest.
Ze
There's a chest here, what's in it? Oh, it's a book.
Regect
Read that shit!
Ze
[Reading] "Hi, Ze and the others, I forgot your names. Me and Captain Dice are out for today. Watch over my house, from-- (uhhh idk.)" Ah, man, they're not here.
Maturin
FUCK!
Ze
Why'd you scream?
Maturin
I don't know. [Mumbles] I'm sorry.
Ze
Well shoot, what do we do now?
Regect
Moe, you okay?
Ze
Wh- What are you doing, Moe? [Concern] Are you okay? Moe, what's wrong?! Wh- What are you doing-- Moe!
Moe
[Frantic honks]
[Moe runs out of the house.]
Maturin
Oh, that's not good.
Ze
What the-
Maturin
We gotta go get her.
Ze
Regect! Come on, we gotta go get Moe. Regect. Regect!
Regect
[Dazed] What?
Ze
Dude, are you good? You're like spacing out, what's going on?
Regect
Uh... Uhh...
Regect
Y- You know what? I think you- you can handle this one.
Ze
What are you- Sit it--?! What do you mean?! Wh-
Regect
I- I think I'm just going to sit this one out. I- I'm sorry.
Maturin
Yeah, Ze, we gotta hurry, man. We gotta get to Moe.
Ze
We don't have time, yeah- We gotta--
[Eerie cave sound.]
Ze
...What the hell is his problem? Yeah okay, we gotta go. Yeah.
[Beeps play over a black background. They encode a spectrogram that says “PRIME SIMULACRUM DEPLOYED”.]
[Static roars.]
Ze
Moe?!
Maturin
You gotta find her, man.
Ze
I hate when she does this, she just runs off. Moe!
Maturin
She could be anywhere, really.
Ze
[Groans] Oh my god...
Maturin
Maybe sharks got her or something, dude.
Ze
Sharks? Why the hell would you say that, dude?
Maturin
Maybe evil demons got her.
Ze
Dude, stop saying stuff like that! Seriously!
Maturin
[Singing] Five Night's at Freddy's--
Ze
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Maturin
Alright, I'm sorry.
Ze
GOD! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you like that.
Maturin
It's okay, man, it's-
Ze
Oh, there's a house over there.
Maturin
Oh, it's a house! We should swim- We should go over there.
Ze
Yeah, but it's all the way over there. We don't have a boat.
Maturin
Okay, dude, just swim. Didn't you go to boot camp? U- U- Use those muscles for that!
Ze
Yeah, but I just feel like it'd be easier if--
Maturin
SWIM!
Ze
Okay! God. I'll swim, Jesus.
Maturin
See, Ze, you did it--! Oh.
Ze
Oh, there's a boat at the end! When we get to the-
[Ze angrily smashes the boat using the playback button Maturin is in.]
Ze
-FUCKING end! That's when there's a boat, right?! That makes sense! That's where it should be! Jesus!
Maturin
OW! Ow, ow! Ze, wait! Ze- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ze!
Ze
[Quiet] S- Sorry.
Maturin
I’m still in the thing! Ow!
Ze
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Okay, let's just go in the house. Let's see if there's...
Maturin
Why didn't the door make a sound?
Ze
It's empty. There's no one in here. But there's like, stuff for if someone did live here. There's like a furnace and a crafting table. What's- What's upstairs?
Maturin
Ze, you don't have to like- force like- the conversation. You can just be quiet. I- I really don't mind the silence.
Ze
[Lighthearted laugh] Okay, I'll just die! That's fine!
Ze
[Laughter]
Maturin
[Laughter] Kidding! I was kidding, I was kidding!
Ze
Wait, hold on, wait, wait, wait, there's something here.
Maturin
Okay, search, search, search.
Ze
Oh, there's a book. Uh... Wonder what it says?
[Reading] "I was only trying to save him, it was the only way. I regret what I did, I regret it everyday. I can't live with myself, my guilt is overflowing, and there's more underneath that the surface isn't showing."
"A place that is vast and infinitesimal all at once, where The Innocent are lead and where (SIA EBANPSC*)" ...whatever that is... "hunts."
"I'm telling you now, do not make the same blunder, whatever you do, do not pursue the (#### #####)" ...and then it ends there.
Maturin
Well, that's another thing you should probably take to Fante.
Ze
Yeah, that's true. This is also better than like, the notes I get from that one dude. He usually just sends me like, a bunch of hate mail.
Maturin
Well, that kind of sucks. Wh- Why would he do that? Who said- Who is it?
Ze
Oh, i- it was just this dude named Stick Guy? He really doesn't like me for some reason. I don't--
[Ze opens the door to find Prime Simulacrum. The video cuts back and forth between them. When Prime is on-screen, static plays.]
[After a moment, Ze slams the door and flees. Slowed and distorted music plays.]
Ze
Nope! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. [Coughs] Ugh, no. Oh.
Maturin
What are we supposed to do, Ze?!
Ze
Uh... Oh! Oh, I have an idea! Blue hair taught me it.
[Ze places the boat and nudges it into the corner of the fences.]
Ze
Line it up perfectly, and-- AH--!
[Video and audio glitches as Ze is teleported into The End. Things go quiet.]
Ze
Oh, that was a bunch of bullshit, but hey, we made it to The End, we escaped.
Prime Simulacrum
[Deep and robotic] NO, YOU DIDN’T.
Ze
SHIT!
Maturin
It's that asshole, run!
[A loud noise as Ze is teleported around to face Prime Simulacrum. Slow, distorted music plays.]
Maturin
Okay, the other way!
Ze
[Panting] There is no other way!
Maturin
Jump! Jump! You gotta jump off!
Ze
What?!
Maturin
I don’t know!
Ze
I-- O- Okay!
Maturin
If you die, I had nothing to do with this!
Ze
Great alibi, asshole.
[Ze jumps into the void.]
Ze
OH MY GOD!!
Maturin
Ooooh!
[With a glitch, Ze reappears in a room with a redstone contraption.]
Maturin
Yo, we escaped!
Ze
The music is still playing.
Maturin
Oh god, you’re right. What do we do?!
Ze
We got-- Door!
Maturin
Go through the door, Ze! Go through the door!
Ze
Go, go, go, go, go!
[Ze enters the portal door and reappears in stone brick staircase. Prime Simulacrum is behind him.]
Prime Simulacrum
FOUND YOU.
Ze
AH! Where’d I get a flash grenade?!
Maturin
I don’t know. Just use it, just use it!
Ze
Oh yeah, you’re right. Hey, asshole! Take this! What’re you going to do now?!
Prime Simulacrum
UM.
Ze
Oh, walk upstairs, yeah, that’s probably--
[The flash grenade goes off at Ze’s feet. When the light and ringing of ears clear, Ze is in a dungeon-like room surrounded by void.]
Ze
Ow...! Jesus.
Maturin
Wow, you’re an idiot.
Ze
Wh- Where the hell am I?
[Prime Simulacrum makes glitching noises and the door bangs.]
Ze
Oh, great. Okay. What do I do, what do I do? What do I do now?
Maturin
Uh, uh, uh, maybe- There- There might be something in the chest. Check the chest.
Ze
Oh yeah, the chest. Wh- [Disappointed] One wooden sword. That’s all that’s in here.
Maturin
Harry Potter was able to beat people with sticks!
Ze
O- Okay, I guess I have to, yeah.
Maturin
You can use a sword, come on.
Maturin
You got this.
Ze
It’s- It’s only one of them, okay? It’s fine.
Maturin
No, why would you say that?! Come on, dude! Now there’s going to be a bunch of them outside c- cause you said that.
Ze
No, that’s a cliche. That’s not going to actually happen. Okay? Just going to walk outside and--
[Ze opens the door. A crowd of Prime Simulacrum copies are outside, glitching and laughing.]
Ze
Alright, fuck! Uh-
Maturin
Okay, lock in, Ze.
Ze
Okay, I gotta lock in.
Maturin
Come on, hype yourself up!
Ze
Okay, we’ll jump in. We’re going to do this. We’re just going to do this now. We’re just gonna go! WOOOOO--!
Maturin
You got this, come on! Get out there and just do it, just do it! Just jump right in, just jump right--
MEANWHILE
[Regect is taking deep, anxious breaths in Wakafante’s house. With a glitch, he is teleported into a bedrock hallway.]
Regect
Huh- Wh- Wh- What? Wh- What the-? Huh?! How’d I- Why am I here- How am I--
[The Eyes appear at the end of the hallway with a dull roaring ambience.]
Regect
You’re still here, just... just messing things up for everyone, huh?
What are you, trying to intimidate me?! Newsflash, you can’t beat me! We’ve been at it for five years. We were at it for five years, and you did nothing! You’re a coward! You’re scared! You’re just a- just a- a fake, a false god, a--
The Eyes
[The Eyes now speaks in a more human tone. Their new voice is slow and sinister.]
That’s enough rambling.
Regect
[Stunned] Wh- Why do you- How do you sound like that?
The Eyes
I’ve been very, very busy.
[Pause]
...Surprise, Defect.
Regect
Actually, it’s Regect, but you were close.
The Eyes
Ah... You wear that name like a badge of honor. Though, it is no wonder. You have definitely earned that name. [Chuckles]
Regect
Ooh, someone’s sounding a little weak. Like you’re, you know, not all there. Maybe you should, just uh- I don’t know, FUCK OFF!!
The Eyes
Maybe... Or maybe not. I’m having a rather fun time in this world.
Regect
Fun? What’s so fun about this world, specifically?
The Eyes
Not what... It’s who.
Regect
...Who? Wait.
Regect
No... No! STOP--!
The Eyes
[Malicious laughter]
[The Eyes disappear with a glitching sound.]
Regect
Shit. [Afraid] I gotta tell him.
[The normal outro is interrupted with glitching as The Eyes appear.]
The Eyes
And all of you watching... [Chuckles] Stay tuned.
[Glitching, overlapping laughter as The Eyes multiply.]